The Lonely Time

I woke up this morning with the feeling that I’m headed into “the lonely time.”

We’ve been here in Colorado Springs for just over two weeks. We quickly settled into our apartment, getting everything unpacked and pictures on the walls in just a couple of days. We’ve been to a church. We’ve been out with our son and his girlfriend. And today I went to a local Moms In Prayer Group – a beautiful ministry of praying for our kids, and a great way to meet other women close to my age.

But having done this thing called “moving” so many times, I know how long it takes to make female friends. Rarely do I find them immediately. And as we all know, relationships take time.

First, there’s the meeting – I have to be in places where other women are. Moms In Prayer, Bible Study, book clubs.

Then there’s the second meeting – maybe a get-to-know-you coffee or lunch date. That’s where I tell everything about me – my kids, my husband, my faith, what I like to do with my time – and they do the same. An information download.

Then, if that second date goes well, there might be a third. Maybe we go to a shopping mall together, or the other person shows me around town. Or we go for a walk in a park. More information download, as we wiggle our way toward intimacy.

At any point in this process, we may decide to just be acquaintances, and so the journey  starts over with someone new.

Once again, I’m doing all the right things. I’m trying to “put myself out there,” be with other women. I’ll join a book club, say “Yes” to lunch dates, maybe find a knitting group, look for a Bible Study that starts after the holidays.

I’ll remind myself regularly that I’m not alone. I have friends who live far away, but they’re still good friends – I’ll make an effort to stay connected to them.

And I have Jesus, “a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).” He’ll never leave me (Deuteronomy 31:6b). So I’m never truly alone.

Girls’ Night Out

I have a new friend, Kim. We met this summer at a wedding, but just finally connected a few weeks ago over breakfast. She invited me out with some of her friends last night – what a nice time!

We went to a wine bar, had yummy rosé and sandwiches, then walked a couple of blocks to the local live theater. It was a lovely evening. Good to meet some women my own age – finally! Up until now, I’ve known one or two women who are in my age range – most of my female friends here in VA are older or younger than me by 10+ years.

I realized, as I arrived and took off my coat, that I haven’t really been out with a small group of girl friends for almost three years. When I first moved to VA, I was invited to a woman’s house for a discussion of a particular cookbook and eating plan, but I felt out of place and self-conscious in that group – I didn’t know anyone, not even really the hostess, though we’re friends now. Before that, there was once in FL, just before I was moving, when my neighbor ladies took me out for a goodbye dinner.

Prior to that, I went out many times with women my own age, while living in Wisconsin. I was friends with women who had children my kids’ ages, so that automatically brought common companionship. I was in weekly Bible Study and prayer groups with fellow women at the same stage of life as me. I suppose that’s expected – we had life in common.

Besides those groups, and the wonderful team of women with whom I worked daily, I’d get together for breakfast or coffee with a few friends on a pretty regular basis. Then there’s my dear friend with whom I shared many dinners over the years. And let’s not forget my weekly call with my best friend!

I remember many years ago, when my dad was leaving for almost two weeks on a mission trip to Africa. My mom and I had multiple conversations about what she was going to do while he was gone, and she had made plans with several female friends for activities while he traveled, to help offset the potential loneliness of him being away. And we talked then about how important it is to have female friendships!

I think I’ve complained here on this blog about being lonely, longing for nearby relationships with women my own age. So I was excited when my schedule opened up last night – I usually have a Tuesday evening commitment. It worked out beautifully that I was free last night to join this “new” group of ladies. I had just recently bought a new dress, and thought how cute it would look with boots; I’d get dressed up for Girls’ Night – a nice change from my regular sweater and jeans.

But yesterday afternoon, I almost backed out. I had returned home after running errands, and I thought how nice it would be to stay home and make dinner with my husband, share a bottle of wine, and watch Netflix together. But he told me to go, and said that I needed some female companionship. He knows me so well!

I’m glad he pushed, and I’m very glad I went. And the dress looked great with the boots!