Memories

The funny thing about memories is they can’t be trusted. Images burned into the brain may not be real. Details can be lost.

I was recently writing about a mental health day I took, early on in my depression. I wrote about how luxurious the cool sheets felt as I woke up. I remembered the sun streaming in the front windows. I recalled listening to praise music, writing lyrics down in my journal. I had a vivid memory of turning up the music and turning myself around, with my arms raised above my head in praise to God as tears warmed my cheeks. I made a lovely dinner for my husband and me. It was a gentle memory, full of joy and light.

But when I opened my journal to that day, my writings revealed that my memories were wrong, distorted.

I actually woke with anxiety. The morning was rainy, and matched my depressed mood. I watched a movie in an effort to make myself cry. I drove to the local state park and sat in the rain, listening to the melancholic sound of drops on the windshield and dozing to sad music. I’d forgotten all about the sad morning.

The worship part is true. I did push the coffee table out of the way and dance to praise music. I did write lyrics in my journal. And I did make dinner, but for the kids and me – my husband was out of town.

I think the memory is the way God wants it. He doesn’t want me to dwell on the negative, so He helped me remember the worship part of the day

On many occasions, God called the Israelites to remember. To build monuments to recall His faithfulness, provision, and grace. To worship Him fully, with heart and soul and mind. Maybe that’s what He was doing for me. Maybe that’s why what I remembered was the worship, the praise to God for His love and care.

I like the memory.

7 thoughts on “Memories

  1. rlseaton March 17, 2020 / 1:23 pm

    Just read this. I’m actually in awe of our amazing God. That he would bring to mind the good things of the day, bringing him glory and blessing you in that memory. I also wonder if in retrospect and healing you were finally able to see that experience fully as God intended all along. Not forgetting, but in full focus on his goodness. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • peggyricewi March 17, 2020 / 1:30 pm

      Thanks, Robin. I agree – God showed me what lessons He wanted me to remember.

      Like

      • rlseaton March 24, 2020 / 11:54 am

        How is your household doing in all of this? Keeping well?

        Like

      • peggyricewi March 25, 2020 / 8:00 am

        Robin – we’re doing fine. Son and girlfriend live here – both still working from home. Daughter and boyfriend live in MN – both laid off but doing fine. My hubby works from home anyway, so he’s good. I’m doing online Bible Study and have gotten out to stores, doing some knitting. Not worried.
        You?

        Like

  2. Gary January 28, 2020 / 10:31 am

    Peggy, a very interesting insight – that God wanted you to remember it in a positive light.

    Like

  3. Jane January 20, 2020 / 3:19 pm

    Beautiful Peggy. Great insight and wisdom for all of us!
    Love to you!

    Like

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