It’s Easy

The thing about depression is – it’s easy.

No, depression itself is not easy – it’s actually a very hard journey. But descending into depression is a cinch. Easy-peasy.

All it takes is several days of feeling alone, using first-person depression language or beating myself up, poor diet and/or sleep, ongoing physical pain. A few negative components, and depression is within reach.

Of course, wellness should be reaching toward the positive, toward mental health, not illness. But sometimes, mental illness feels closer to my grasp.

This should make me fearful, or at least cautious. The problem is, it all feels so familiar. So it’s not scary; it’s almost comforting.

Which makes me scared. And that’s healthy.

I’m realizing that I’m often so close to the edge of the cliff – to the precipice of depression’s chasm.

That means I need to fight really hard for mental health. For mental wellness.

I need to initiate my ladder – the steps my therapist told me to put into place to help me when I find myself in this darker place. Step one – sit with the tears. Well, I don’t have any of those right now. Just a familiar sadness.

Step two – Tell my husband and best friend. My husband will be home shortly, after having been out-of-town for a few days – I hate to admit that this probably contributed to my current emotions. I’m okay with him being gone until about day five – then it gets hard for me. So that piece will improve soon!

Ok, time to be really honest here. Let’s back up a few minutes. Drinking wine does not help depression. I suspect that if I hadn’t had a couple of glasses of wine – which is a depressant! – I wouldn’t be feeling so negative right now.

I’ll write more about my ladder of self-care another time. The steps really don’t matter for this particular post. What matters is to illustrate that depression can be only a few choices away.

So I need to make wise choices. Initiate my ladder of self-care. Get good sleep. Eat a healthy snack, healthy meals. (Too bad I had to throw away that salad mix due to the recall – that was my healthy meal!) Get regular exercise. Be careful with alcohol.

Ultimately, I must remind myself of God’s truth about me, because that’s what really matters. He loves me no matter what. I am a new creation, because of Jesus’ grace. Depression is not who I am; I am a precious daughter of the king of the universe, the king of all creation.

Reminding myself of these truths are keys to fighting the familiarity of depression. Keys to fighting the lies of the enemy. Keys to my mental health.

7 thoughts on “It’s Easy

  1. rlseaton April 20, 2018 / 8:52 am

    Thank you for sharing with us, Peggy. Lord, please strengthen my sister, and restore her joy. In Jesus’s name, amen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • peggyricewi April 20, 2018 / 9:23 am

      Thanks for the prayer. Strength is what I pray for in those moments of weakness. I want to fight depression, even when there are times I want to give in. I know that doesn’t exactly make sense. Fighting for joy can be hard some days, and giving in to depression looks like the easier way. But that’s just a lie from the enemy! God’s joy is what I ultimately fight for!

      Liked by 1 person

      • rlseaton April 21, 2018 / 3:51 pm

        I understand. I’ve been struggling myself recently. God bless dear sister. I don’t always get the “why” or the “when” of God, but I’m so glad He gets me, and holds onto me, even when I find it hard to hold onto Him. I’m grateful.

        Liked by 1 person

      • peggyricewi April 21, 2018 / 5:43 pm

        I know He holds on to us. In the deepest darkest of my depression – years ago – He was the only one holding on – I had let go and given up. But His grip is sure and strong!

        Like

      • rlseaton April 21, 2018 / 9:30 pm

        Amen my friend. Praise Him.

        Like

  2. Jane E Kelly April 19, 2018 / 10:18 pm

    I would like to see the follow up to this. Alcohol, as you state, is not good self care for depression. Answering phone calls from your best friend would be a better choice over continuing to feel bad and drinking. Calling one of your support persons is a proactive step. Alcohol can worsen your symptoms of depression and interact with depression meds and painkillers….even over the counter ibuprofen. Time to put the ladder into writing and into practice. You can do it. I know you can!

    Liked by 1 person

    • peggyricewi April 19, 2018 / 10:30 pm

      Alcohol is nowhere on the ladder of self-care, I know. But blogging and writing is. And letting a friend know that I’m feeling out of sorts, which I did. Thank you for loving me, even if I did make you mad at me.

      Like

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